If Operating Systems were airlines...
UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the
airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together
piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are
supposed to be building. They constantly upgrade the design while
they continue to work on it, but it never really gets fully
completed. Amazingly enough, the airplane seldom crashes, and
UNIX airways has a major share of the airfreight business.
Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let
the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump
on again, and so on...
Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and
act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details,
you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want
to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to
know, so just shut up. You never quite trust that it's safe or that
you'll make it to the proper destination. Recently, Mac Airlines has been
painting their airplanes different colors.
Windows Air
The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage
check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. On board, there are all
sorts of extra amenities like air-phones, games, movies, laundry facilities,
etc. However, the planes frequently explode in mid-air with no warning
whatsoever. This has spawned a huge magazine industry dedicated to
customer survival, which eclipses all other aero magazines on the
newsagent's shelf and ensures saturation advertising for the airline.
Windows NT Air
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and take
out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when their planes explode.
Windows XP Air
Having booked your flight, if you change your luggage you have to book
a new seat. There is no refund. After flying for an hour the plane
lands. The aeroplane is upgraded and the flight resumes. This happens
again every hour. After a few hours, you are told that the plane
cannot be upgraded further and you have to book a seat on a brand new,
more expensive plane. There is no refund.
Linux Air
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start
their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave
the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of
printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket
yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts,
a wrench and a copy of "seat-how-to.html". Once settled, the fully
adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on
time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You
try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but
all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"
VMS Air
You get to the airport and there are no amenities. But everything
you need is there. The guards at the security check points are awake
and alert and thorough but quick. On board, things are pretty plain
but again everything works and the airplane is fast.
The airline has recently come out with a new fleet of airplanes with
twice as many engines as the old ones. Plus, the airplanes have all
sorts of hooks for connecting together airplanes. Finally, some of
these airplanes have been sold to UNIX air and Linux air.
RSX-11 Air
Some people have been flying RSX-11 air for decades and they are quite
happy with it, even though the company is still flying DC-3s.
Back to the hobby page of
Ondrej Sipr.
